21: The Meaning Of Easter For Me When I Was A Child

When I was a child, I did not understand what people celebrated on Easter. As time went on and hearing my parents talk about the holiday, I began to understand. I remember my parents leaving me at home in the evening to go to the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Bischofswerda to celebrate Easter. They went with my sisters and brothers, while I, being still a small child, did not like my parents leaving me at home with my other brother. As a child, my mother, who was a Catholic, had already made a habit of going to church with her parents. My father was not Catholic. He went to the Evangelical Lutheran Church and knew the pastor in charge there. Easter was not an important holiday at home, but as a Christian, my parents wanted to celebrate it with other Christians. It was why they went to the church and when they came back they would find me and my brother in bed.

My mother used to prepare a variety of dishes for every Christian celebration. Among the many dishes she prepared for the Easter celebration, were some cakes that I liked especially. It was a particular cake that she baked to celebrate Easter; she wanted to satisfy her family in everything and for that she was totally committed to making everyone happy. My mother was a housewife who vibrated in her home and wanted to do everything for us. My parents were not rich, but we had everything we needed.

I was six years old when a friend, Hans, who lived near the market street, told me about Jesus. I had known for a long time that Jesus was the Son of God, but it was my friend Hans who gave me more information that day. What he told me was upsetting. It was a Thursday, it was raining lightly and despite the rain we preferred to get out of the house to play. Hans told me how Jesus had suffered until His death on the cross. He told me this story in detail. I listened to him tell me the story, but this story was not the same as the one I had heard. I knew that at home there was much talk about it, but since they considered me a child, they didn’t explain anything to me. I knew that at home there was a lot of talk about it, but since they considered me a child, they did not explain anything to me and I understood their reaction to me.

From time to time, I would ask my friends, the Essentials, to explain things to me, but they would tell me to wait until the time came to understand.

I wasn’t curious, but when I asked my sisters and brother about things, they said I was too young to understand and didn’t always have time to explain things to me either.

It was after I received my Guides that I could ask any question and get answers. My sister sometimes found me very annoying with my questions.

I received teachings and advice from my Guides when they began to communicate with me. I did not get used to them right away. I received lessons and teachings before I was able to understand and communicate with them. At first it was not easy.

The first time I heard the voice of my Guide, the one with whom I have been in communication all my life, I was not sure what I was hearing and I found it hard to believe. It was as he was advising me that I began to believe it. My Guide did not always help me because he knew I needed to learn things on my own for my Mission. He left me to do things until he realized that I could not do anything or that there was a risk of falling into error, and then he intervened to guide me. Slowly, I became more and more aware of his guidance and presence by my side. From time to time, when I did not know how to act in certain circumstances, he was there for me.

It is when my workload increased that other Guides were given to me to help me. This is to tell you that the Light never leaves His Servants on mission without support and help. You only need to have a good will, to be of service to the Light, and you will get Its help for the work you think and wish to do.

My friend Hans explained to me how Jesus suffered on the cross. I was overwhelmed. I did not sleep that day and remained silent at home. That day, my father came home overly agitated after drinking alcohol. When he was in this state, he would always look for something he did not like to find a reason to get angry and start talking, accusing, and blaming everyone. He would always start by accusing my mother of negligence, and if she tried to justify herself, to give an explanation to defend herself, he would then turn on all of us and start to berate us. No one in the family liked his attitude. I was the only one who often told him to calm down. Sometimes he would listen to me and once he sat down he would fall asleep after a few minutes.

When our father talked to us and scolded us, he remained standing since he knew that if he sat down he would soon fall asleep. We knew this, so we would all beg him to sit down so he would fall asleep. It was an atmosphere that my mother did not like, but we kids thought it was funny to see him fall asleep as soon as he sat down in his chair. It was a way for us to have a fun atmosphere at home.

After Hans told me about Jesus’ suffering on the cross, I went home and sat quietly watching my father talk about absolutely nothing. He didn’t talk for long, just sat down and fell asleep.
As I stood there quietly, my mother asked me what was wrong. I did not want to tell her out loud so that everyone would hear me. So I waited for the right moment to talk to her about what Hans had just told me. That night, since I could not sleep, I was visited by my little Essential friends. In the morning my mother was busy alone in the kitchen, so I took the opportunity to help her and tell her about what Hans had told me. She described to me in a little more detail the story as told in the Bible. I was even more upset and did not dare to ask her any more questions.

It was to my older sister I turned instead to ask about the crucifixion of Jesus. She was knitting, which was a good time to talk to her. She told me the story; it was just as my mother had told it to me. I shared with her the conclusion of my reflection, that the crucifixion of Jesus was a crime that should not be celebrated. People tortured him to death, so how could it have brought them deliverance as they claimed? My sister laughed.

I could not stand by and say nothing when I heard this statement that the crucifixion had set human beings free! I told my sister repeatedly that all those who had crucified Jesus had committed a crime, and that this crime was punishable by God who had sent His Son on Earth. My sister added that one should not think too much about certain things, that one should only accept them as recorded in history. I refused to believe her. I told her that when there is a crime, there are always investigations to find out all the details and circumstances that led to the death of a person. So how could they accept the death of Jesus without investigating? My sister laughed even harder and asked me to accept what the story was telling us since it happened so long ago. I continued to share my thoughts with my sister, but she would not listen to me anymore. I did not want to believe this story about the crime committed against Jesus that people had transformed into an act for their liberation, for the remission of their sins.

I was six years old and I abstained from celebrating Easter because, for me, it was an event that should not be celebrated in that people had committed a crime by murdering the Son of God.

I would stay immersed in my reflections for a long time in order to find out what had really happened. I was reflecting to try to grasp what was understood, interpreted, and accepted by all human beings as their deliverance, while it was a most vile crime that was perpetrated against Jesus, the Son of God, by making Him die on the cross. All my thoughts came to the same conclusion: that it was a murder! Ever since Hans had explained to me the suffering that Jesus endured, I had always thought that it was a criminal act, not an act of deliverance or liberation for human beings.

My parents could not agree with my conviction. They did not understand that the crucifixion of Jesus was a criminal act. They continued to go to mass and celebrate Easter, but I preferred to stay at home. Instead of going to amass, I asked my mother’s permission to visit my uncle in the country during this time. I could not imagine for a moment that people were celebrating the death of the Son of God, the result of mankind’s crime against Him. I preferred to be with the animals in a quiet place.

Since my parents knew that I was someone who held on to my beliefs and thoughts and remained faithful to them, they sent me to my uncle’s house on Easter eve. I was always happy to go to his house, especially since it was very peaceful.

When I was ten years old, I went to the library where I discovered in different books even more information about the death of Jesus. At that age, I read a lot. At school, a teacher named Mr. Frank encouraged his students to read in order to increase their knowledge. It was on his advice that I became interested in reading. I used to go to a small library in my neighbourhood to read books.

The local library was the brainchild of a lady who read a lot. She kept her books in her room, and she had a lot of them. She had asked her only daughter that after she passed away she wanted her house to be turned into a place where people could come and read the many books she had in her room. She wanted her books to remain in her room. After her death, her daughter respected her wish and turned her mother’s house into a library. The books were neatly arranged on shelves. People could choose one and sit in the living room which was well equipped for reading. Her daughter received donated books to add to her mother’s collection and made them available to the public. There were educational books and books on other subjects to help people, students, to increase their knowledge.

I often went to this place, which was quiet. The presence of the lady was always there. Some people said they felt her when they were reading quietly.

I was trying to do something to get people to understand that what happened with the crucifixion of Jesus was a crime, but how to do it properly when they believed everything the Bible said.

When I was young, my older sister used to ask me to go and get her something from her room when she was busy cooking or knitting, and I always did. Each time I saw a book at the bedside. I would not touch anything else in her room for fear of being reprimanded. But this book often called out to me to take it. I didn’t want to ask her about the book because it was her business. She never read her Bible in the living room, but took it to church on Sundays. When she got home, she would place it at the bedside. I knew that there were verses from the Word of God in that book. But what amazed me was that my sister did not talk about the Word that was inside that book at home. We would discuss some spiritual things, but she never took it to read it.

One Saturday, while she was busy knitting, she saw me in her room putting away some things she had carelessly scattered around. I took the opportunity to take the Bible and open it. I was a little blinded when I looked at its contents. I couldn’t read the writing; it was all blurry. It scared me, so I closed it and continued to do what my sister had told me to do. I did not understand what had happened to me when I opened it.

It was when I was later able to communicate with my Guides that I was able to know why I had been unable to see what was written in the Bible. The Light spared me many things when I was a young child.

When I asked my mother questions, she often told me to wait until I was older to know and understand certain things. She was right because it was only as an adult that I understood many things.

After I became aware of my Mission, my Guides taught me a lot. The questions I had on the spiritual level were always answered, either by my Guides or by personal experiences with people. I learned a lot and gained a tremendous amount of knowledge from my spiritual experiences. These experiences helped me to know how people lived and behaved in society.

I did not want to do the Mission that the Light had given me by staying put and helping only certain people around me. I wanted to go all over the World to help people and that was what I did during my Mission on Earth.

So, I grew up with a different belief about celebrating Easter. My parents knew that I did not want to be with them on Easter and they respected my decision. Each time my father was a little sad that I was not with them. When all the children were grown up, the two of them would go to church together in the evening to celebrate Easter. I was the only one who stayed at home. On Easter day, I was always sad and did not really talk to people, even my friends. On this day, I could help people by sending them the Light Force. I talked about the other teachings, but not so much about what had happened with the crucifixion of Jesus.

After leaving my parents’ home, on Easter Day I concentrated on praying for the prisoners incarcerated in places where they could not receive help from the Light. I thought of those who lived where there was war, those who could not stay in their homes and had to flee to safety from the bombing. I was in my apartment thinking about the people who were living in difficult conditions on that day. At Easter, I often ate only vegetables and fruits. I avoided anything that would make me tired and prevented me from thinking about those who were imprisoned, at war, or suffering.